My Story, Part 3: In the Land of Conservative, Christian Women
Navigating life as a (non-white) big city girl in a (homogenous) small town world was challenge enough. But I was also a new wife AND mom, struggling to live out those new roles in a God-honoring way.
Even though I found saving grace in Los Angeles, I was what you would consider a “baby Christian”. And back there, I was cautious about speaking freely about my newfound faith in fear of being “politically incorrect” among co-workers, friends, and even family. So really, though I was undoubtedly growing spiritually within, the only time I lived an explicit “Christian” life was on Sunday when I was in the comfort of our local mega-church.
Then we move to this relatively conservative town (when you compare it to where I came from) and strangers are unabashedly throwing out things like “Praise the Lord”, “Amen to that”, “How can I pray for you?”, as if there were no tomorrow. I can’t remember how many times in those first few months we were invited to check out various churches or to plug into the gazillion bible studies being offered. What an odd little town.
An odd little town, which compared to where we came from, loves Jesus and ain’t afraid to show it! That was actually quite comforting and freeing for me. I found something I could relate to here! So let’s get me some new, Jesus-loving friends I can relate to!
Then I started to find some … and I didn’t feel so free anymore.
These sisters-in-Christ seemed so, so … perfect. Okay, okay, maybe not perfect. But definitely … well … um … so lady-like, meek and quiet in spirit, well mannered, soft spoken. Conservative.
Everything I was not.
This Ghetto Valley Girl grew up in an environment saturated with women who (mostly) looked and talked and acted like the women you see in US Weekly, People, or InStyle. Beauty, fame, fortune, power, independence … driving factors behind many a woman back home; some even my role models.
My view of successful womanhood meant financial security and independence via college degree and a career or business. I was raised to believe that a woman’s worth came from her activities, accolades, and possessions (which is probably why I ended up starting a business in my first year a mom, while pregnant with my second). A family was icing.
And then I meet this conservative breed in the Land of Christian Women. Some of their stories included having been raised in Christian homes and being saved, like, in the womb. Some spewed out bible verses like it was part of their regular vocabulary (wait, it IS part of their regular vocabulary). Some went to bible college (a whut college?). Many, it seemed, had married their high school sweethearts as soon as they got their diplomas and even though they were my age (some younger!), they were on their 3rd or 4th spawn.
They used phrases like “honoring and submitting to your husband”, and instead of going ape wild when their children misbehaved, they would take them aside quietly to discreetly “correct” them. They didn’t say “wassup” or “dude” or “like, ohmygosh”. They tucked in their blouses, didn’t wear leggings, and crossed their legs at their ankles. The extent of their rap sheets included things like missing their morning quiet time or forgetting to pray before they ate (or at least it seemed that way).
I’d find myself in conversation with these refined, Godly women whose refined, Godly topics were brimming with refined, Godly language, often wishing I had the remote from Click – just rewind or fast forward or mute whatever immature, non-Proverbs 31-ish, Ghetto Valley Girl nonsense that just came from the opening between my chin and my nose. I’ll just listen and smile from now on, thankyouverymuch.
Aaaggghhh! When’s the next train outta here!? I need the one going straight to a place where there are real sinners like me!
Okay, okay. That’s not fair. And honestly, at times I felt awed and inspired by them. But most times? I felt out of place.
However, because I actually did value what these women could teach me with regards to biblical womanhood, and was inspired by the kind of wives and moms they presented themselves to be, I soon found myself becoming ultra-conscious of not only my words, but my actions and appearance, slowly trying to make adjustments so I could fit in and become more like them. Hey, they love Jesus. This is what ALL women who love Jesus talk, and act, and dress, and pee like, right?
Below are the links to each part of the “My Story” series:
You Are Reading My Story: Part Three