How to Be Successful as Christian Unschoolers / Lifeschoolers

The term “Christian unschoolers” sounds like a complete oxymoron. Many people – especially Christians – are legit terrified of the term “unschooling” because it connotes the idea there is no learning at all, or that this way of homeschooling is lazy or allows for children to run amok.

And I guess its definition has morphed since the term was first coined in the 70 by John Holt (back then, it simply referred to teaching and learning that did not resemble the teaching and learning found in the public school system).

For instance, there are some radical unschoolers now out there who literally give free reign to their kids in every single area of their life: hygiene, food they eat, when they go to bed, how they give (or not give) respect to those in authority over them, etc.

But, at its core, unschooling is a way of living and learning without adhering to the confining social constructs and perspectives that have been placed upon education.

I know that ALL of us homeschoolers do rebel to some degree against the government education system, but more often, you see parents eventually succumb to the traditional paradigm of what education should look like, fretting if our kids are “learning enough”.

This often results in homeschools looking like school-at-home. Parents push curriculum and agendas (not realizing they are still strapped to conventional thinking) over allowing their children to learn unhindered so as to grow in their giftings as God intended them to. I’ve been there and we didn’t like what was happening!

I’ve also seen families start off “wild and free” in the early years, but end up caving in to concerns as their children grow older and approach the teen years. Instead of continuing with natural learning, they tighten up, just to make sure they are “covering all the bases”.

If you are leaning towards unschooling (or as we like to call it – lifeschooling), or are already doing it with your younger kiddos, read on if you desire to make this lifestyle (because it is a lifestyle, really!) sustainable for the long haul.

1. Stay Strong in Your Convictions

We all have our reasons for home educating and even more specific reasons for choosing a life as Christian unschoolers, or at least a life that leans heavily towards interest-led, self-directed learning.

But, along the way, there will be lots of voices – besides your own – (and sometimes even from other homeschoolers!) that will stir up doubt. Don’t let others or society manipulate how you teach and train up your children; the only voice you need to heed is the Holy Spirit’s.

Frankly, if you have sincerely taken the time to prayerfully consider your WHY to specifically unschool your children, you can trust that God has directed you towards this specific path … and can also trust that He will continue to lead you accordingly, so long as you continue to walk in step with Him.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Matthew 7:7

But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

James 1:6

Christian unschoolers truly do take the road less traveled, and it can be lonely at times. You will struggle along the way (all homeschoolers … heck – all parents do!). Therefore, it is important to go back to your original convictions to remind you to keep your head down and work unto the Lord, as He has called you to unschool your children.

2. Solidify Your Paradigm

What is a paradigm? It is basically a distinct framework (concepts, philosophies, perspectives, habits, etc.) that influence your everyday decisions and actions. We all operate out of our established paradigms.

I know my basic WHY, but as the lead learner in our homeschool, I have continued to study about childhood/teen education and development, human nature, what contributes to success and satisfaction, etc. What I have learned over the years has certainly impacted my paradigm and, consequently, how I homeschool my own children.

What I have gleaned so far, coupled with our own family’s personal vision, has compelled me to shed convention and instead move towards offering my kids a path where they take ownership of their learning.

It is slightly frightening, because life as Christian unschoolers really is an exercise of my own muscle to let go of any control I think I possess.

But also, this muscle exercise is part of what drives me as a mother to be so tethered to God’s word and to constantly be listening to how He wants me to lead my children each step of the everchanging way (because they never do stay the same, and are constantly stretching, growing, and pivoting!).

As I do so, my paradigm continues to solidify as I see God working not only in my kids’ life, but mine as well, directly through our Christian unschooling/lifeschooling journey.

3. Study Your Children and Cultivate Relationship with Them

The word of the Lord came to me, saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

Jeremiah 1:4-5

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

Proverbs 19:21

If I stand on this truth that God uniquely created each of my children with a distinct purpose within the God’s overarching redemptive narrative, then I also know that I can’t make my kids become anyone God didn’t intend for them to be.

Instead of wasting energy by forcing an education upon my kids that fights against what God has purposed for them, I have invested time in studying they unique souls they are – their tendencies (good or bad), personalities, what makes them light up or what makes them shut down, how they process information, how they communicate, etc.

As I’ve done that, I’ve been able to curate resources to meet their needs, guide them towards an education that is meaningful to them, and be able to pivot accordingly along the way. This isn’t necessarily as simple or as convenient as checking off a list on a teacher’s guide but it has so far proven to be worth being able to witness my kiddos flourish as a result.

Because, really, my role is not to merely train them to become students full of knowledge, but to inspire and challenge them to become stewards of the life they have been given.

My focus is in helping them become human beings who understand they have purpose and agency, as opposed to subjecting them methods and practices that squash their spirit and promote conformity to educational/societal norms that God may not have meant for them.

But again, to discern that, we need to take time to cultivate relationship with our kids; really get to know them. And that takes time, energy, and intentionality.

4. Inspire (Not Require) Them to Love Learning

There’s that term again; we all want our kids to “love learning”. But how do you do that exactly?

It certainly doesn’t work super well when kids are being force-fed information they aren’t interested in or are ready for; there is a reason many students express a despairing hate for school, or at minimum struggle with it.

As with all other areas of life, I personally believe in the power of modeling and setting an example. We primarily lead our children not only by telling them what to do, but also showing them how to do.

An unschooling life has freed me to pursue my own interests, which has only created more desire in me to learn and grow as God is leading me, which – in turn – has inspired my kids in the same.

My kids are witnessing me take initiative to study things that pique my interest, they hear my excitement when I’ve gained new information and wisdom that brings me joy, and they see me push through times when I am confused and struggling with a concept that I need to know in order to move forward with my passions.

TOGETHER, we are learning and growing alongside each other as we not only celebrate learning victories but overcome learning challenges. This relationship and modeling is what will help cultivate a love for learning in your children … at least it has in mine!

5. Rest in the Greater Parent

With all that said, as Christian unschoolers, we ultimately need to rest in The Greater Parent and in His sovereignty, being led daily by the Holy Spirit.

Yes, I am motivated to steward my role as their mom/teacher/mentor well, but – as I already mentioned – I also know that I am not in control.

I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the Lord, do all these things.

Isaiah 45:7

In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.

Job 12:10

I need to rest in knowing that we are part of a bigger story and that God already has a purpose for each of us in it, including my kids.

I don’t need to fear or worry about their future, no whether we are “doing enough” or if they will “be behind”, as long as I am giving them the most important thing: an example for what it looks like to love and live for Jesus.

I firmly believe that as long as they possess as surrendered and submitted relationship with Him, are intentionally and often seeking God’s will for their lives, endeavoring to be led by the Holy Spirit, then everything will fall into place for them. It’s not that they will never struggle or encounter pain; in fact, part of my teaching and training them is to expect – and even embrace – such circumstances as part of a broken world (and to count all trials joy). But as long as they have Jesus, they can trust that God will use all their valleys and mountains for their good and His glory.

Which is also a big reason we have chosen this adventure as Christian unschoolers … because this educational path has offered us the most flexibility of time and space to be able to dig deep into what gospel-centered living can look like, without being hindered by timelines and checklists.

My kids aren’t jumping from one subject or class to the next, under the constraints of a curriculum or teacher’s guides. They get to move freely in their learning as God leads them, and we have the margin to pause as long as necessary to press into everyday discipleship moments.

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Alright, alright. Honestly, there really isn’t a prescriptive formula for how to “be successful” as Christian unschoolers (especially when your definition of success may differ from mine).

I am sharing just what has helped me as a homeschool mom, as I faithfully work to lead the eternal souls God has given me in this life … and I pray that it offers some help for you as you seek God’s will and guidance for your own journey with your people!

I also want to share my favorite book so far on Christian unschooling: God Schooling by Julie Polanco.

She shares biblical support for this natural learning lifestyle, encouraging and inspiring quotes from experts in child development, psychology, neuroscience, and education, as well as offers tips and wisdom from her own 15 year journey of homeschooling her children.

I personally love that the book is broken up into chapters with thoughts for how to unschool children under 8 years old, children from 8-12 years old, and teenagers. There are even study questions at the end of each chapter, plus practical information for how to get started and how to keep records as unschoolers.

I HIGHLY recommend this book if you are interested at all in finding success as Christian unschoolers!

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UPDATED AUGUST 2023: Because of the growing interest in unschooling from other Christian families, I put together an e-book called: Getting Started in Christian Unschooling! It compiles many of the things I’ve already written about along with more specific information about how to get started with unschooling as a Christian family, all organized in one spot that parents can refer back to. I’d love for you to check it out!