How to Help Your Kids Cultivate an Authentic Relationship with Jesus
As a Christian parent, one of my biggest hopes is that they know, love, and follow Jesus. And therefore, one of my biggest priorities (especially as a homeschool mom) is to teach them about who He is.
In our culture, this typically looks like:
- consistent church attendance
- reading the bible
- memorizing scripture
- teaching our kids God’s commands (like, love one another)
- praying together
- and so on
Are Typical Methods Cutting It?
Certainly, there are character and moral lessons to be gleaned from reading the bible stories, and scripture memorization is a wonderful way for young children to initially engage with God’s word. Community is important, and so is prayer.
But what good is knowing Moses’ story if they can’t also see the parallel in their own lives of bondage and their need for a way out? And so what if they can recite John 3:16 flawlessly, when they don’t first understand why that even had to happen in the first place?
Alone, are these typical methods of “raising up kids in the faith” enough for fostering authentic relationship with Jesus? Apparently not. Statistics show that 70% of youth stop attending church after high school and only half eventually return.
I don’t want that for my kids, and you probably don’t either!
A Better Way
(It should go without say that, ultimately, our childrens’ salvation lies in God’s hands, but – as stewards of the souls placed in our care – we should also be diligent and intentional about training them up.)
So, how do we help our kids cultivate an authentic relationship with Jesus?
- Model It
Model what gospel-centered living looks like to your kids and take responsibility for teaching them (not outsourcing the job to the Christian private school, or Sunday school teachers, or youth group leaders). You are your child(ren)’s primary teacher!
The gospel is not just a one-and-done story from history, it is a way of living. What Jesus did, and the identity He gives us as a result, is good (great!) news and, therefore, should guide our thoughts, decisions, discussions, and more. Our kids see what a relationship hidden in Christ looks like primarily from us!
But in order to disciple our children in that, we need to be disciples ourselves.
How has the gospel informed your life? Has it led you to repentance and does it keep you humble? Does it cause gratefulness for the life you get to live and the hope you get to have? Do your kids see YOUR need for Jesus and what it looks like to live a life that follows Him not only as savior, but also as lord?
- Train Them Up in Gospel Fluency
Whether at home, in the car, as part of our homeschool … I constantly tried to point out how the gospel informs how we should view people or situations, as well our responses to them.
“That kid at the park was so mean – he didn’t let me down the slide!” Yup – because that kid’s heart is bent towards himself and his desires, just like our own hearts are naturally bent towards ourselves and our desires.
“I didn’t break the vase, it just fell.” (Yeah, after the soccer ball hit it when you were kicking it around in the house). Our kids lie (or tell half-truths) because they naturally want to hide their sin and avoid the shame and consequence of doing something wrong. Not only do we need to point out their tendencies to do so, but explain to them that Jesus already paid the ultimate price for sin and has freed us from the felt need to protect ourselves with lies.
Everyday situations offer opportunity to talk about the bigger story we are part of: creation, the fall, redemption, and restoration. Help your kids become aware of human nature and our need for Jesus because of our sin.
In the early years, I utilized resources to help with this, making it a core part of our homeschool. As they continued to grow and experience more life, our conversations went deeper. The gospel isn’t just something respond to one time at an alter call. The gospel is not just an idea we only ponder on Sunday mornings or at youth group. The gospel isn’t just a tract-outline Christians share to unbelievers.
I often challenge them with these questions: What is it, really? And what does it mean for YOU personally?
- Don’t Be Afraid to Talk About the Harsh Realities of the World
As part of giving our kids a meta narrative perspective, my husband and I never shied away from real talk about the world around us, past and present (within reason and with discernment, of course). Slums in third world countries? The drugged-up homeless wandering streets? The prostitute lady living next door with rotating male “visitors” all throughout the day? If they noticed, we talked about it.
We personally believe that it doesn’t benefit to shelter our kids from (or sugar coat) the depravity around us, but instead to continually discuss the need for God’s redemptive power everywhere, not just in our individual lives.
One of my mentors (who also homeschooled) shared that when her son went off to college he confided that, as much as he appreciated his upbringing, he wished there was more time spent preparing him for the “real world”. While he had primarily been discipled in what a real dollar bill looked like, he didn’t necessarily know what to do when he encountered counterfeits … if that makes sense!
The fact is this world is broken. And until the day it is fully restored, we get to live in it. The above situations and conversations have given our kids real opportunity to understand what a world not aligned with God looks like … and to understand how desperately it needs engaged, intentional torch bearers who can flood light into dark places. We have the keys to the kingdom, and if we are too afraid of the world (or righteous, or judgmental, or simply ignorant about its follies), how can we share them with those who need it the most?
Authentic Relationship with You
Doing the above basically means being in relationship with our kids! We are our kids’ first and primary relationship, and how they engage with us is how they will engage with Jesus.
So take time to have deep conversations with them, as well as listen to them (even if you have a to-do list a mile long). Be accountable and model a life marked by the good news Jesus gives … show them what it looks like to repent and ask for forgiveness, and be transparent about your own need for saving. Help them become aware of the real needs in the world and how to engage intentionally with others. Humbly learn and grow alongside them.
Let me be clear – authentic relationship does not mean perfect relationship. It’s not like our family “talks gospel” every single day, nor are we always able (or wanting) to recall the gospel when sin is involved (which is often). In fact, it can often look like a poop-show in our home!
But, I tell you what, our kids are growing up fully aware of how messed up we ALL are (them, their parents, their neighbors, their friends, etc.) apart from Christ. They are growing up knowing their desperate need for God’s grace and mercy, and that because He gave it, they now get to be part of a bigger redemptive story. They are growing up knowing that Jesus really is the only way and are learning to cling on to Him as they watch their parents do the same.