Raising Kids with a Genuine Servant’s Heart

• An afternoon at the soup kitchen.
• Collecting supplies for a backpack drive. 
• Singing for the residents at a retirement home.
• Bringing a meal to someone who is sick.
• Being a door holder at church.

All good and noble things. All practical ways to help our kids think of themselves less and of others more, right?

As Christian parents, one of our many jobs is to help cultivate a heart of loving and serving others well. And the above list shares just some examples of the more typical ways parents attempt to put that into action.

But too often, parents emphasize the “doing” over the “remembering”. “Doing” to look good and noble (even if not consciously) more than “remembering” that we serve because of The Only One who was perfectly good and noble.

It is very common for well-meaning parents to take the initiative to sign their kids up for various service opportunities, but without taking the time and energy to explain why the serving is important and what a servant’s heart should really look like.

A person can serve with a smile on their face, but with pride or apathy in their heart.

As a result, parents end up training their children into feel-good, moral behavior, as opposed to cultivating genuine hearts of service, rooted in humility and gratefulness for what Jesus did on our behalf.

So, how do we foster more of the latter?

FIRST, remind them how Jesus loved and served us well.

Disciple them in story of God, the need for a savior, and how our Father made a way through his Son. Help cultivate authentic relationship with Jesus.

And help your kids understand that as redeemed people, we now get to be on mission wherever we are – not just in pre-scheduled time slots during the week at church or other places in the community. We aren’t servants only when we get to don special shirts or badges that identify us as such. We are servants everywhere we go, to whoever we are in front of!

THEN, model to them how to love and serve others well.

That may very well look like bringing them along to the acts of service (and similar) listed above.

But you know what kind of service we need more in our culture? Things like:

Being present and listening intentionally.

Most people aren’t even aware of their self-centeredness in conversations. Either they are not really present because there are too many things going on in their own heads (thereby prioritizing those thoughts over the person right in front of them) or they are listening (not truly hearing) to respond. Unfortunately, this is being trained in our children.

We are in desperate need of the reminder that every single person we encounter are both: 1)made in the image of God and, 2) has a story. Therefore, as best we can, we need to treat an individual accordingly when in their presence (not matter what the age). Even in conversations with others, we can lay down our lives in those moments by being fully present with the person in front of us.

Engaging those on the fringes.

Warning: I have much to say on this one.

For one, most of us gravitate towards easy. Easy, as in sticking with things we know, whether it be people or rhythms or situations. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but we need to be wary of slipping into comfort that hinders us from our mission to point others to Jesus. It’s not an uncommon reality that Christians inadvertently create a culture of exclusive Christian country club – talking gospel in sanitary conditions, but not living gospel in grittiness.

For another, many of us who have been redeemed in Christ quickly forget that we were once in need of redeeming. Many Christians believe that becoming more Christ-like is equivalent to becoming more perfect, because Jesus was perfect … that in pursuing righteousness, we give God glory. What they may not be aware of is that this thinking is rooted in the belief they have some sort of power to even do so.

What becoming more Christ-like really means is humbly submitting in lowliness to Jesus, just as he humbly submitted in lowliness to the Father.

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

Philippians 2:5-8

It means surrendering our complete and utter inability at his feet. From that place of surrender and submission, the Holy Spirit then has room to do the work of sanctifying us and making us more into Christ’s image.

Unfortunately, in the process, the very same people who are called to draw others to the sweetness of our savior end up being the very ones who repel others from him. As they elevate in their “righteousness”, they also elevate their judgmentalism – particularly those who do not fit their version of a tidy, Christian mold. Even without judgmentalism, some believers’ lack of broken vulnerability can make them appear tidier than they are, and cause those who do not yet know Jesus to feel inadequate; not good enough.

Settling into our God-given identities should empower us to get outside of their comfort zones. For your kids, this may look like not getting to hang out with their own friends at recess, youth group, or at a party, in order to love and serve a new (or alone) kid well, by engaging them and sincerely getting to know them … even when no one else will.

The practice of owning sins and repenting when we have done wrong.

This means more than forcing your kids to merely say the words, “I’m sorry.”

We are naturally inclined to cover up our flaws and to protect ourselves from the undesirable consequences due to us when we are at fault. But as parents, we need to fight against the lie that we can be and stay hidden, because that is what we will train up in our children!

In fact, I believe that living in such a way actually disregards the whole point of the gospel. Making excuses for our sins is rooted in pride; in believing that we can somehow keep up a favored reputation to others (even though we clearly are imperfect and fallen apart from Christ). When we don’t own our brokenness, we are not living into the truth that what Jesus did is enough; that we have already been made righteous by his blood.

Freely forgiving others – without condition – when we have been wronged.

Even – and especially – when the one who has done the wrong has not owned their own sins nor has repented … and may even continue to transgress. Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean that full restoration will be achieved in a relationship; and depending on the situation, it may mean establishing healthy boundaries … but it does mean that, in forgiving others just as we have been forgiven, we free ourselves from the burden of vengeance or ill-will towards the transgressor.

Serving in the everyday moments.

Yes, let’s be hands and feet at organizations and events. Signing up at various places to serve alongside others is wonderful, fun, and edifying to our own walks. Not to mention – many hands make light work and we do need to step up on those kinds of occasions as contributing members of our community.

But let’s not neglect to cultivate hearts of everyday service; everyday mission:

• Looking at passersby at the grocery store in the eye, giving them a smile, and maybe even a hello. You never know how that little bit of light may brighten their day.
• Treating food-service workers with dignity (saying please and thank you), not like slaves that you can make demands upon. And tipping them well; our God is a generous God!
• Exercising patience and speaking kindly when on the phone with customer service agents. They are imperfect human beings too … often over-worked and under-appreciated. Be that one caller who reminds them that they matter too.
• Letting the other car enter your lane instead of inching forward to close the gap ahead of you when you see their blinker turn on. I mean, how much quicker can you get to your destination by being a doodah?!
• Treating each family member in your own home kindly and with respect; being slow to anger and abundant in mercy (this is one our own family is in constant need of working on, LOL!) If the perfect God made them in his image, for a purpose, then he also didn’t make a mistake in putting y’all together.

There are obviously many everyday opportunities to love and serve others well – not just in deed, but with our speech, our finances, our time, etc.

Progress, Not Perfection

Obviously, none of us will do this perfectly. Our own family struggles often with laying down our selfishness to put each other first in the home or to make the extra effort to shine for the kingdom every single place we go.

But as the saying goes: it’s about progress, not perfection.

Start with eyes fixed on Jesus (the only one who is perfect), heart open in surrender and submission. He will do the work of helping you and your children grow a genuine servant’s heart that is primarily rooted in the humility that comes when the truth of his good news infiltrates our everyday thoughts and behavior.

Because the true way to run our race of loving and serving others well in order to glorify God, is to rest in Jesus.

For more on the topic of missional motherhood in ordinary places and cultivating a heart of mission in our kids: The Missional Mom: Living With Purpose at Home and in the World by Helen Lee. I read this as a young mom who wanted wisdom for how to raise my kids to live beyond themselves and for God’s glory. The pages within helped shaped my motherhood journey and is still part of my collection of must-keep books.

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