Why Scary Mommy Moments Can be a Good Thing
Yelling at the top of our lungs. Saying hurtful things. Making our kids cry.
These are “scary mommy” moments.
Moments that we want to wish away. Moments that inflict flesh-eating guilt and utter disappointment in ourselves.
“Lord, please protect my kids from my sin right now!” is a prayer plea that I’ve thrown out in moments like these.
But you know what? These moments can actually be a good thing.
Whuuut?!
Because these are the moments that bring unobstructed light to the fact that we really are messed up; that we are big fat sinners who really do need something greater than us to save us. We just need to recognize it.
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t try our best to avoid scary mommy moments. In fact God’s word commands otherwise.
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
– Ephesians 4:29-32
What I am saying is that, sadly, these scary mommy moments will happen. It is inevitable that we will sin ugly as moms.
Yet we wake up each day fresh, aiming to be and do good, almost expecting to hit some level of mommy perfection, whether we realize it or not. And sure, let’s try the best we can. I mean, who intentionally purposes to fail? But I do believe that more often than trying to be and do good is remembering that we just can’t. Perfectly anyway.
We unavoidably fall short of our aim, many times crashing and burning, all while taking our kids down with us. And then we burden ourselves with guilt, disappointment, shame, a sense of unworthiness, hopelessness …
“I’m a horrible mother. I’m messing up my kids. This is just too hard. Where’s the wine?”
But once we start to wrap our heads around the fact that we really are incapable and will fail in our own flesh, we start to give God room to move in our lives.
Recognizing that we really are nothing, and can do nothing, without the power of Jesus releases us. Because it becomes less about how well (or poorly) we perform as moms, and it becomes more about drawing near to The One who redeems us; about leaning on The Word which equips us.
There’s a marked difference between a life where we muster up our own mommy will power to do and be the right things for our children, and a life that recognizes that it is only by the power of the Holy Spirit that we can even do or be anything.
One way of living keeps us in bondage to the after-effects of scary mommy moments; keeps us on this unrelenting hamster wheel that cycles between despairing defeat and all-on-our-own striving to try better next time. And then we stick a label on it called “Trying to Achieve Balance”.
The other way of living frees us from ourselves, and relieves this burden on us to perform. This way of living understands that we need a greater power in us, and constantly pushes us towards The Only One Who Was Able to Perfectly Be and Do Good; to let Him work through us, sanctify us, and pour out grace on us … as we stumble along the way.
” … My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
– 2 Corinthians 12:9
Sooo, let’s remember that while scary mommy moments are ugly and devastating, there is someone greater than our sin. He waits patiently for us to recognize our need for the power of The Cross, ready to do the beautiful work of redeeming us. We just need to let Him.